I hate having knots in my back.

I slept like crap last night.

Part of the reason for this was because I was at my mom and stepdad’s house and the dogs (their collie/lab mix and my puggle) were in their respective kennels in the same room I slept in. Normally I do not sleep in this room, but because they are expecting a guest tonight, I had to sleep in the other room.

So I’m on a bed that isn’t super comfy, and every time I move, the dogs hear it and start to whine and make noise. It is ridiculous. SUPER ridiculous. I can’t sleep for longer than an hour or two before my dog makes whining noises because of either me moving or the other dog moving. And not being comfortable makes me have to move around a lot resulting in a ton of pain in my upper back which is extending into my arm. AWESOME.

So very little sleep + sore back = cranky me.

Add to this a not-so-awesome IHOP breakfast and WHAM, now you’ve REALLY got a reversal of fortune, which means I’m hanging out at the toilet instead of going to my sister’s jazz concert today. My crabbyness is at its breaking point.

And it’s snowing outside. WTF.

I love my Wii, and the fact I have a kajillion games for it makes it that much more awesome. My new favorites at the moment are Scarface and The Godfather, because you get to beat the crap out of people, and it makes me feel better when I come home and am angsty on the inside. However, I have several two player games and it makes me sad because they are not as fun to play with only one player! So this is an invite to all of you that know me…come play Wii with me. I can supply chips and candy and Wii. You can supply yourself. Just call me and we’ll schedule something. And maybe, just maybe, if you are really awesome, I’ll bust out my Super Nintendo and we can play Street Fighter II Turbo. Maybe.

I saw Baby Mama. It was okay. Cute movie, predictable, but enjoyable for what it was. I guess I was expecting more laughs and less drama than what it actually was (the previews made it look like more of a comedy than a drama) but I still liked it.

Also thinking of going back to Vegas in August, let me know if you are interested and want to come…

I hate Allergies and the Weather

So it’s springtime here in the great state of Minnesota…for the next 15 minutes.

I hate Minnesota weather. It drives me up the wall. It’s gorgeous one day and absolutely wretched the next, and it makes it impossible to figure out what I should wear. Inevitably, I am too hot or too cold and bitch about it the entire day.

Spring is the worst. The snow melts and all the mold gets into the air, making me miserable and rendering me useless for a good day and a half. And then, suddenly, a shitpile of snow falls, covering the mold, and then melts a day later, kicking up more mold, making me more miserable and wanting to hit my head against a brick wall.

I am sick of Minnesota playing this “just the tip” game with the weather. Come on, feel that sunshine. Doesn’t it feel good? Don’t you want it to be sunny? Won’t you come outside and enjoy the sunshine? JUST KIDDING, here’s 8 more inches of snow. And oh, look, more sun, don’t you want more of it? Don’t you just want to try it? RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN RAIN.

SCREW YOU, Minnesota weather, I call SHENANIGANS. And I am NOT a microwave, you can’t just pop spring in and out like this. UNFAIR.

I also really dislike driving when it is raining. Not because I feel like I cannot drive in those conditions, but because other drivers clearly can’t. They drive 20 miles under the speed limit and swerve all over the road as if their car has a mind of its own. Seriously. It’s rain. It’s not going to hurt you. You aren’t going to melt. I promise that if you drive the speed limit you are not more likely to get in an accident and kill yourself. And I’m not going to write the obvious thought I have down, because it is fairly mean and bitchy, and even though I’m mean and bitchy, I am in a pretty good mood today.

Lately I have been having issues with food. On several levels. I’m hungry for something and I can’t figure out what so I’m always dissatisfied with what I eat. This makes eating far less enjoyable. So I try to eat as much as I can in hopes that I will find the thing I’m hungry for…and instead I gain like 100 pounds. AWESOME. I didn’t want to wear those jeans anyway, all cute and little and NOT FITTING MY HUGE ASS. Sonaofabitch.

Also I have really bad acid reflux. This is not a fun time for me. Every time I eat there’s significant burnination in my esophagus. I have been taking meds for it for a few months now and even though I take my pill every day there is still burnination. Unfair. I don’t like it. Even drinking water gives me acid reflux. It could seriously take the tarnish off of your silverware. Not even joking a little.

I’m assuming this is from my harsh, abrasive, burny personality. KIDDING. Maybe. But seriously, I don’t know why this is happening and I’m pretty damn sick of it. Also don’t tell me to go to the doctor because I don’t have health insurance and I’ll be damned if I’m gonna pay a shit ton to have a doctor tell me to keep doing what I’m doing, and they don’t understand why it keeps happening (which is what they told me the last time).

I fell at work the other day. Hit a pothole in the grass and biffed it completely, sending my files flying and getting dirt all up on my pants. My DRY CLEAN ONLY pants which are now going to be placed in the washing machine, because I am not sending them out to be cleaned. The worst part of all is the guy in the motorized wheelchair coming up to me and laughing at me, whatever dude, you are in a WHEELCHAIR, you have no rights to laugh at me and my hurt pride!!

I really liked Juno, so I think I’m going to try to procure a copy of Diablo Cody’s first book Candy Girl, which is about her life as a stripper in Minnesota. Pretty sweet, I think. Also I really want to see Young @Heart, I think it looks amazing.

SO that’s the update from me thus far, since I’ve gotten crap about not posting recently. SORRY I have been writing a ridiculous paper for my seminar class about child abuse and domestic assault and it is hard to be funny and obnoxious when you’ve got that on your mind. Although I’m now taking applications for “BUY ME A BEER I AM GRADUATING” peeps, so if you want to come out with me some time and buy me a beer to celebrate my 20+ years of schooling, that’s pretty awesome.

I hate children with bad behavior.

So on the news is this story about these kids that planned to kill their teacher. They all had different jobs like covering windows, stabbing their teacher, and cleaning up the blood.

WHAT THE BALLS.

I am terrified of children on most days anyway, but now they are 8, 9, and 10 years old, and are coming up with complicated plans to murder their elders. This to me is a sign of the apocalypse. My life is in danger. You bet your ass I'm never having some kind of parasite all up in my girlparts. Like hell I'm gonna contribute to the downfall of society. I hated Children of the Corn, and as far as I'm concerned, He Who Walks Behind the Rows has NOTHIN on me when I'm on the rag.

I hate crunchy cookies.

Today I went to Subway to get lunch and I got a cookie because from the looks of the cookies on the display case, deliciousness was to ensue. However, the dude that rang me up picked up the crumbliest, browniest, stupid crunchy cookie and put it in my bag before I had time to say anything. So I kind of just grumbled to myself about wanting a different cookie and walked out to my car. As far as cookies go, if they are supposed to be fresh baked and delicious, they should also be undercooked and doughy, because crispy cookies that are almost black are nasty. Who wants to eat a cookie that could be used for some sort of housing material? Not me.

I don't really care about the risk of food poisoning because at least while my insides are turning into mush and I am dying from all sorts of organ failure I'll be able to look up and say, "Hey, I really enjoyed that cookie."

Not that I really expected today to be all that great anyway. I woke up this morning to my dog in my bed making really awesome harfing sounds right by my ear. Sweet. So I pick her up and bring her to her little kennel and litter box and on the way there she pukes right into my hand, and it was easily the nastiest thing ever. So I'm trying not to gag, bring her to her kennel, and get the nasty puke off my hand all at the same time, and my dog in a moment of sheer stupidity starts LICKING HER PUKE OFF MY HAND trying to eat it again and at that moment I run into the bathroom and throw up. If she wants to puke on the floor, fine. I don't care. I'll clean it up and smile. Just don't eat it. Gross.